Why God Made Moms

My Mom sent my wife and sister the following email this morning. I don’t know where she got it from, so i can’t give credit to the origins. It does seem to be a popular email going around.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there.  🙂

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s mom like me.

What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.

Who’s the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What’s the difference between moms and dads ?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power ’cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don’t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
2. I’d make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

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Paulywood’s 45 #21: Interstate Love Song (STP cover)

I love this song, from the first time I heard it. Some songs just grab you right away. The melody, the chords, the grove, it’s such a great driving song. Any one who ever thought that the Stone Temple Pilots were just another 90’s rock band, never sat down and listened to this song. I strongly recommend you listen to the original. Every thing about it is a class in how to write and play each instrument.

My version is the country flip side that I needed to do. The chorus cried out to be done in a hoedown spirit. You gotta love the lyrics: “Leavin’ on a southern train only yesterday you lied” Come on…..that’s country.

Available in iTunes

Paulywood’s 45

Paulywood’s 45 #19: The Ride

December 29, 2009 Leave a comment

The year is almost over, (in 2 days) AND the decade. And wow! What a decade. We had some great times and some hard times. The boys grew up, and up, and UP. We moved a few months ago into a bigger place. Lost some pets and gained one. Changed jobs, and bands. Got reconnected with lots of old friends. Sooo nice to see you all again.

Here’s my last song of the year and decade, all I can say is “What a hell of a ride it was.”

All the best to all of you for the new year and decade.


Available in iTunes

Paulywood’s 45

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TWiTmobile (music video)

November 8, 2009 4 comments

Leo Laporte from TWiT was out car shopping one day. He shot this little video in a GT Mustang and put it up on the interwebs.

Here’s a little diddy I whipped up to enhance the driving experience.

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Paulywood’s 45 #18: Enter Sandman (Trick of Treat?)

October 26, 2009 Leave a comment

After 14 years of living in the same apartment, we finally moved!

September started with us moving into a three bedroom rancher and it is so nice to be in a spacious home instead of a cramped box. Halloween is this weekend so we get to hand out candy to the little trick or treaters. And after a little summer break in the music department, I did a cover of Metallica’s Enter Sandman just in time for this festive pumpkin season.


Available in iTunes
Paulywood’s 45

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Paulywood’s 45 #17: Sunny Day

Summer is here and every year the same memories flood my head. In no order of importance:

– School is out. Done. No more reading, writing and arithmetic. Well at least no more reading because we have to.
– July 5th is my Birth Day 😎
– Swimming lessons and just hanging out at the pool.
– Going to the lakes and ponds looking for frogs and tadpoles.
– Going to Playland
– Going to movies
– Lying in bed listening to the cheers and stomping from a lacrosse game at the sports arena behind our house
– Sleeping in our backyard under the stars observing the Perseid meteor shower

Now release the floodgate of your memories……….See ya in about half an hour 😉

Paulywood’s 45

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It was 20 years ago today…

June 29, 2009 1 comment

Remember cassette tapes? Those funny plastic things with tiny reels of magnetic audio tape inside. We would borrow a friends record album, then later CD’s, and make copies for ourselves. Oooo copies.

I was feeling a bit dry (artistically speaking) last week, when I remembered an old song, “1962”. Next week is my birthday, so I thought it would be nice to record the song about that special year I was born. I was sure I had the lyrics in my big red book I’ve had for over 30 years. But after searching twice I couldn’t find it. I could remember most of the words, but without the rest I was dead in the water.

Which brings me back to those cassettes. Ah-Ha! I had a 4-track version I did 20 years ago on a cassette tape. I dug out my 2 inch thick with dust brief case looking cassette case, and there it was “1989 Mix“. After getting the rest of the lyrics, and rewriting a few, I was all set to record it again….

20 years later.


Paulywood’s 45

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